where the wind blows

i was 8 yrs old, sitting on my concrete front porch on st. mary’s lane, looking in the late night sky. my friend, laura markham was spending the night at my house, but neither of us planned on going to sleep. i asked her about God.

i wondered where He came from, who His mother was-

it hurt my 3rd grade mind.

laura kept telling me i was crazy. she wanted to debate who was sexier - her choice, david cassidy - or mine, donny osmond.

but all i could ponder was infinity - no beginning - no ending. for some reason, it depressed me. eternity couldn’t be grasped and it caused me despair.

laura wanted to laugh and talk about harold with the purple tanktop who we chased at recess on friday. she wanted to giggle about christopher who peed his pants during the spelling test. she wanted to talk about her aunt jeanie, who wore a red wig and was a swinger.

i just wanted to unlock one more door into the knowledge of infinity - where the hell did God come from!?

that night, i convinced laura to climb the metal grapevine porch supports on to the roof of my house. the street lights were off - there was no moon - the stars were brilliant and clear and out in the millions. we saw a shooting star. we were close to heaven and decided to ask God favors. we shut our eyes and held hands and spoke our requests aloud. she prayed for harold with the purple shirt and big boobs. i prayed that I would know the secrets of infinity.

laura’s prayer was answered - she had harold ( as well as aaron, mark, and chris) all by sixth grade - and completely filled out a 32 C.

i waited for God to answer my prayer...many a night i lay in bed, trying to wrap my mind around eternity.

on a fishing trip with my dad, i asked him where God came from. he pointed at the reeds in the pond and said, “see how they move...you can’t see the wind, but can see where it blows......the same it is with God”.

and much later on another fishing trip, when the same topic arose, Dad said, “the answer to that question lies beyond the capabilities of the human mind.

where the wind blows...

where the mind expands...

i should have just prayed for big boobs.