a beautiful mind

grandma copeland had a heart attack on monday, sept.10, 2007. she was alone in her own home when the black cloud touched her...my aunt rita found her hours later curled up in a small ball on her bed. she survived the heart attack just like she survived the copperhead bite a decade ago. she is 4 foot 10, 90 years old, and the strongest woman i know.
my grandpa copeland was her best friend, fishing buddy, scrabble partner, lover, and soul mate. when he died 20 years ago - her heart never recovered. loneliness engulfed her like a hurricane....but she pressed on - and had to endure the death of her first son and my father, lewie copeland. i never saw my grandma so frail as she seemed at daddy's funeral. my dad was the spiritual epicenter of the family....raised in an unchurched family, he found God when he was sixteen and walked nearly 6 miles every sunday to learn more about Jesus. i will never forget the joy in his eyes when he witnessed grandma copeland being baptized at the age of 83 by his two sons-in-laws - my husband steve and my brother-in-law mike..

i am so sad. my grandma is losing her mental capabilities quite suddenly. about a month ago, i spent a couple of hours with her while i waited on carter to take care of his 4-h pigs. she loves carter so much....but i think she believes him to be my dad. she called him "bub" a couple of times - which is what his family called Dad. when carter walked through to get a popsicle from the freezer, grandma talked about how carter's mom didn't like him eating junk - so i had to tell grandma that i WAS carter's mom. it made her sad and embarrassed.
as we talked, i realized how she was losing it. when i was growing up, my grandma amazed me. she and my grandpa lived a little like the beverly hillbillies but they were both off the charts intelligent. no one could beat either of them at scrabble. the two of them would play for hours, very evenly matched. she was a wonderful paradox of bologna sandwiches and fishing alongside trips to europe and asparagus beds. she was always joyful and funny. she was very funny.

but during our conversation - she talked about people who weren't there and painfully searched for words and logic that refused to be found in her 90 year old brain.

this great woman raised my father. she taught him what was important in life and he taught her that God was bigger than the circuit riding preachers. she never took life too seriously - but she lived it with gusto. she passed on a legacy of balance and joy.

and now my heart hurts as she picks at invisible hairs in her food and points at invisible strangers in the corners of her hospital room.

she deserves integrity and respect, not dementia and disease.