i paint, then i think

a fellow photographer loves this image as much as i do - see his blog HERE

i paint, then i think.
i am a lover of color and shapes, light and shadows -
i am a wounded artist who reconstitutes a troubled childhood into evocative expressions.
i paint, then i think. i can't do it the other way around.

i am at home here in my own skin
at last. i am painting for me.
i am delirious with freedom from relational shackles
and the need to please and perform. thank God for that!


i am me - the one who ran away from home in her blue easter bonnet and prayed for black marbles to become white.... - the one who plugged her little sister's ears so she wouldn't hear.... - the one who coped in creative ways.
i embrace my life, my memories, my past and reverently offer them on the altar of my future.... - parts get burned in the refining fire and some parts gleam side by side - a bridge to all God has in store.

i've had my share of hard knocks - but let me tell you how blessed i am. in fact, the reality of my blessings overwhelmed me to the point of weeping today - high on a cliff at bristol falls, watching steve play with our three sons in the cold waters of the ravine below. i experienced a moment of sheer bliss - a honeysuckle breeze and a vermont sky. my reverie was starkly interrupted, however, by the wailing of landre when his favorite rescue hero was forever lost in the powerful current! ying & yang.

i have made some incredibly stupid choices in my life - i finished many of my days hating the look of my canvas and how i botched it up so badly!
..but those mistakes dry (even the colossal ones) and form wonderful textures upon which to put the next colorful coat!

i paint, then i think. i can't do it the other way around. i keep painting until things start clicking, until colors and shapes begin to say something to me. then i go with it. and so i live my life. my close friends know i am not a planner or a detail person - but i relish in the big picture and the happenstance of daily serendipitous delights.
i have a hard time tying up my thoughts and finishing posts - but i need to go to sleep so i can get up early and catch the magical morning light for landscape photographs!