sacred rhythms

i have chosen to establish my own sacred rhythm..
because i desire more of God than i have now.
i long for spiritual transformation
and know it is my truest need.
i have allowed many things to define me -
my pathology, my personality, my childhood, my creativity,
my roles as friend, teacher, artist, sister, daughter,
wife, and mother - and how can i forget -
pastor's wife? AAARGH!
but these things do not define me....
yes i am an enfp, an epicure, performer, giver.
yes i am passionate about things - even obsessive at times.
yes i am continually learning, growing, stretching,
venturing into new territories.
but who i am
is who i am right now at midnight -
consciously slowing down my heart and mind
to focus on God.
i am hungry for his transforming power in my life.
i long for more of Him in my life.
i know it won't happen unless i make ample room for it...
deliberate stillness...purposeful solitude.
yesterday i took a long walk into the woods
and sat at the edge of a stream.
i didn't take my camera because,
although i feel God's pleasure when
i am capturing His creative beauty through my lens,
i can become distracted by it as well.
it was just me.
i tried to still my mind.
it's really hard for me.
i mean it's really hard....
it's not worries that take residence -
but rather ideas, plans, memories, imaginations...

it is good things that swirl about my head,
the complimentary colors of wild bachelor buttons,
the crisp veins of tulip tree leaves,
the smell of fresh mown grass wafting over the hill.
st. mary's lane and the colors of matisse.

stop.
focus on Him.
open your heart and your mind.
i long for more capacity to know Him.
i long for sacred rhythms in my life.