are you there God?

i question everything - for as long as i can remember, i have bucked the status quo. sometimes it has served me well - other times it has ended in disaster. you live and learn. the challenge, i guess, is to be true to yourself while simultaneously not getting arrested.

and i have questioned the existence of God - on my porch with the grapevine metal pillars, late at night with a million stars dotting the sky....trying to wrap my 8 year old mind around the concept of infinity - gravity - God's mom? mindblowing stuff.

but more incredulous was the other option....
so i prayed to a God i didn't know to reveal Himself to me - to show His face - to whisper in my ear - to perform miracles in my life - i foolishly challenged the omnipotent creator to "give me a sign"....turn my white marble to black...give me a rainbow at midnight, etc. etc.
that was faith - to make a stab in the dark - to send a message to the mysterious Man of the stars on St. Mary's Lane.
i waited - but no rainbow, no falling stars, no marble miracles.
tomorrow - i'll tell you the rest of the story...